Why your 50s can be your Most Dangerous Decade- How your Children can be Part of the Problem Episode #39

Mar 19, 2021

Joanne Williams discusses why if you can live to 60 years old then statistically you can live to 80 years old.

Summary of today: How having Emotional Intelligent or Emotional Quotient can help you live longer.

1. What are the factors in living through your 50’s healthfully?
2. EQ or EI what is Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence
3. My new theory on why living through your 50’s can be especially hard.
4. 3 things you can do to live a happier life in your 50’s if you start now.

Question of the day is: How are the Habits you form today going to help you tomorrow and beyond.

I noticed something this week that I thought I would share today to help you survive through your 50’s.  I had read an insurance statistic that if you can live to 60 years old you have a much higher statistical possibility you will live to 80 years old.

I had 2 professional colleagues die this year. One a 51-year-old Counselor and a 59 yo mentor.

That made me really think about a syndrome that I have seen now in family friends that I am witnessing that many are dying in their 50’s. And I think it may be from disillusionment, that without meeting the many expectation of family life, career expectation they are giving up on life, because they have not reached the goals that they felt they should have met.

Not to mention a global pandemic adding another level of financial and health stressors or the possibility of losing their homes in their 50s could be financial devastating. According to this article by By LIZ WESTON of NerdWallet 

"If the economy tanks, 50 year olds are the first to go," according to les Weinstock. "Staying current in your field is really important."

And Weinstock recommends that you could ask younger co-workers to help you stay up-to-date with the latest technologies used by your office, for example.  To stay relevant.

"This is a great way for you to learn from someone else and to build more relationships," Weinstock says. Which is key for several reason.

And when it comes to relationships, more is better. Weinstock urges older workers to keep growing their networks, since most new jobs are found through someone you know.

Losing a job is almost always traumatic. In your 50s, job loss can be devastating -- and devastatingly common. He says to;

SAVE MORE, SAVE EARLIER, BORROW LESS

Many people find their ability to save is hampered by the amount of debt they have. Federal Reserve statistics show that households headed by people 45 to 54 years old owed more than twice as much in 2016 as similar households in 1989. There is a big stressor to avoid.

WEAN THE KIDS I will talk more about this in the 3 things you can do to stay happier.

Many parents provide their adult children with some financial support, and it's typically for household expenses rather than emergencies.

I see these as whether you are either accumulating healthy daily habits that will sustain you in hard times or will hold you back.

As I wondered about this new syndrome of dying in your 50’s, I looked at actually five close people, in my life who died, and all were in that 50 yo range.

The 2 close colleague and mentor who died this year were 51 and 59. One died unexpectedly of heart issues and one of breast cancer without telling a soul.

It really made me think that there really is something here, and I suspect disillusionment or depression as part of the emotional components of these deaths, that they may have giving up on being able to keep up with the expectations of life with more pressures.      or Their tendencies own tendency to put pressures on themselves.

Maybe they're overachievers and they're not achieving like they used to. And I think the scariest part of the most misleading part is they appeared very happy.

 I think a lot of times the jolliest of friends or family are the ones we should put more attention on. They seem the happiest, they are sometimes feeling sadness inside and are covering it up with their laughs. And they do fool us. So, we don’t see their sadness, we do not notice them.

I think part of this is denial. Maybe on our part too, but on their part of what's going on or avoidance might even be a better word for this.

I see that If we are not creating good daily habits to sustain our happiness, then it can go the other direction with stress or increased pressers as we age.

Or maybe it is low Emotional Quote EQ or emotional intelligence, EI which is defined as the capability to recognize your own emotions, and those of others and discern between different feelings, and abilities to use emotional information to guide your thinking and behaviors and adjust emotions to adapt to your environment. Daniel Goleman defined EI is typically associated with empathy, because it involves an individual's connecting their personal experiences with those of others.

So, EQ really is about adapting but it's an understanding and how to use emotions in this equation.   Which anyone can improve to feel happier or adapt better to transitions.

This is one of the components in my Thrive system as I work with clients to help them understand the interactions between our thoughts and emotions affecting our behaviors.

I currently putting together a supportive community to build more confidence in social situations, using my Thrive system as an example of how to use EQ. To feel more secure more confident about your abilities as you move into a transition into latter stages of life because I am seeing an increase in depression and without these skills on how to deal better with life pressures, I do believe that it can affect us physically if we don’t figure it out.

You can learn these skills to adapt and make those transitions in life and not to give up or get disillusioned that we aren’t able to keep up.

But if you are noticing somebody that maybe has lost their smile, share this with them, help them to notice, or strongly encourage somebody to reach out to get a different perspective or encourage counseling that is included in all health plans to increase their knowledge of their emotions, or to help them develop something that they truly enjoy in life.

So there are things you can offer a person that you love that is in their 50s and floundering maybe they've lost their job in COVID, or their business in the COVID maybe losing their house.

When things can start to pile on and you've if got teenagers in the home with expectations needing more money, thoughts about college, and the pressure start to mount.

Here are three things that anyone can use, but specifically people in their 50s, to find more purpose and meaning for this transitional time, but needing to make money, be productive, and do all the things that are needed if you do have children still in your home.

So, here's three things you can do today to move you into better Emotional Intelligence.

1. lower your pressures and expectations on yourself. Sometimes that pressure is internal, it's not even expected of you. But you put it on yourself, maybe you were an overachiever, and just think you need to, or me maybe even take on responsibilities of others that are not even truly yours. That's a really important one to check out. That you're not taking on what I'm going to call other people's stuff, or responsibilities of others that is truly theirs. But if you are a fixer and trying to make sure everyone is happy and but, leaving yourself out. I call it stay in your own lane. What is yours to take care of. Sometimes we think we are responsible for how our children turn out. They have choices and consequences. And I feel that is our responsibility as a parent not to fix things, the messes that they create, but teach them responsible behavior, life skills, emotional intelligence, by your example. So maybe look at what you are taking on for other people's responsibilities but increase also your belief that you can figure this out work towards a five year goal instead of one month ago or one year ago, and Bill Gates said something that we seem to over expect what we can do in one year and underestimate what we could do in five years. So start to look at a five year plan maybe it is financial. What do you need to do get clear on what you want your and what you choose now for this next transition time, but it's called a clarity action plan to decrease your doubts and increase your happiness your enjoyment factor.

 If you're noticing more Disillusioned with life and if you can keep all of these balls in the air, or sadness and overwhelmed or feeling stuck To me, that's the beginning of depression, you're digging a hole and you can't get get out of it. And this is to me when the danger starts that needs to be looked at that people, maybe even subconsciously unaware of what some of their habits behaviors are creating in this depression or truly given up on life and not really recognizing it.

I had this colleague at age 51, that his heart gave out, Is that a metaphor. My mentor age 59 this year, My own brother was just 64, when he died.  But it seemed like the same thing. He just couldn't do the same things, getting up on a roof, fixing things, having the energy to be able to be productive, in competition with the younger guys, making enough money he needed. And it doesn't feel like there's a lot of a support around us to be even able to talk about this.

So even just being able to support somebody to understand not to fix it, but to listen.

2. Get happy. Change your mindset to I can do this. I will do this. I don’t know How I will do this, but I will. What daily action can you take to be happier? What do you enjoy doing for yourself? That you can do right now? Do you like puzzles, playing cards, take a walk or ride draw. There's coloring books for adults painting, picking up something I can do right now reading, sitting, being quiet. Whatever it is listening to music can be wonderfully relaxing and creating a joyful feeling smile. Smiling is one of the I think most underrated things you can possibly do to feel happier.
3. increase your EQ or emotional quotient or intelligence. Start by recognizing the four main emotions we all have happy, sad, mad or scared, get used to saying I'm really happy with this when I do this with you. Or when I'm doing this with you, I am really sad, when I see you doing this. Just say it and say, or when you are mad, scare

 Use this to recognizing your emotional state and saying it out loud. Reach out if you feel stuck, overwhelmed and don't allow doubt or expectation from others to get to stand up for yourself. Just keep moving forward step by step to feel happier and just move to be feel more satisfied. And c

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if your need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911.

3 things you can do Today to improve your Emotional Intelligence and Live Better.

Here are three things that anyone can use, but specifically people in their 50s, to find more purpose and meaning for this transitional time, but needing to make money, be productive, and do all the things that are needed if you do have children still in your home.

So here's 3 things you can do today to move you into better Emotional Intelligence.

1. Lower the pressures and expectations on yourself. Sometimes that pressure is internal, it's not even things expected of you. But you put it on yourself, maybe you were an overachiever, and just think you need to, or me maybe even take on responsibilities of others that are not even truly yours. That's a really important one to check out.

That you're not taking on what I'm going to call other people's stuff, or responsibilities of others that is truly theirs. But if you are a fixer and trying to make sure everyone is happy and but, leaving yourself out. I call it stay in your own lane. What is yours to take care of.

Sometimes we think we are responsible for how our children turn out. But know they have choices and consequences. And I feel that is our responsibility as a parent not to fix things, the messes that they create, but teach them responsible behavior, life skills, emotional intelligence, by your example.

So maybe look at what you are taking on for other people's responsibilities, but increase also your belief that you can figure this out work towards a five year goal instead of one month ago or one year ago.

Bill Gates said we seem to over expect what we can do in one year and underestimate what we could do in five years.

So start to look at a five year plan maybe it is financial.  What do you need to do get clear on what you need for yourself,  choose now for this next transition time, but it's called a clarity action plan to decrease your doubts and your debts and increase your happiness your enjoyment factor.

 If you're noticing more Disillusioned with life and if you can keep all of these balls in the air, or sadness and overwhelmed or feeling stuck To me, that's the beginning of depression, you're digging a hole and you can't get out of it. And this is to me when the danger starts that needs to be looked at that people, maybe even subconsciously unaware of what some of their habit’s of behaviors are creating in this depression or truly given up on life and not really recognizing it.

So even just being able to support somebody to understand not to fix it, but to listen.

2. Get happy. Change your mindset to I can do this. I I don’t know, but I will. What daily action can you take to be happier? What do you enjoy doing for yourself? That you can do right now? Do you like puzzles, playing cards, take a walk or ride draw. There are coloring books for adults painting, picking up something I can do right now reading, sitting, being quiet. Whatever it is listening to music can be wonderfully relaxing and creating a joyful feeling smile. Smiling is one of the I think most underrated things you can possibly do to feel happier.
3. Increase your EQ or emotional quotient or intelligence. Start by recognizing the four main emotions we all have happy, sad, mad or scared, get used to saying I'm really happy with this when I do this with you. Or when I'm doing this with you, I am really sad, when I see you doing this. Just say it and say, or when you are mad, scare

Use this to recognizing your emotional state and saying it out loud. Reach out if you feel stuck, overwhelmed and don't allow doubt or expectation from others to get to stand up for yourself. Just keep moving forward step by step to feel happier and just move to be feel more satisfied. And c

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if your need it.

Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911.

Or check out more at AnxietySimplified.net For this podcast and more

Or go to https://esapros.com for an emotional support animal or a Psychiatric Service Dog to go with you everywhere to give you the support you need.